George Osborne’s regular dominatrix has been awarded a knighthood today for services to pleasuring over privileged former public school boys with a piece of birch.
MPs urged to keep quiet about the fact that we’re not actually going to leave the EU
June 27, 2016 by Leave a Comment
MPs have been urged to keep quiet about the fact that we’re not actually going to leave the EU at all, until the political wind changes and people forget all about it.
Osborne “I do not benefit personally from being rich”
April 12, 2016 by Leave a Comment
George Osborne has assured critics that he does not benefit in any way from being rich. “I may have lowered the top rate of tax in 2012 to increase my own net income but I can assure you that I don’t get any advantage from that. “It just passes through my bank account. Some of […]
Conservatives divided over whether to be total bastards or utter bastards
March 21, 2016 by 2 Comments
The Conservative party is thought to be divided today over whether to be total bastards or utter bastards. Prime Minister David Cameron has denied that now the Conservative Government has disenfranchised just about every sector of society that isn’t them, they were ready to turn on each other like a pack of rabid dogs. However, […]
Coca-Cola to include cocaine again
March 17, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Coca-Cola are to get round the sugar tax by replacing some of the sugar in its drinks with cocaine according to a statement released by the ultra-sugary drinks giant this morning.
Poor and disabled people celebrate reduction in corporation tax
March 16, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Poor and disabled people throughout Britain have been cracking open the metaphorical champagne following the news that the Government has decided to reduce corporation tax from 20% to 17%.
Northern towns to revert to being in black and white
March 14, 2016 by 1 Comment
Northern provincial towns from Hull upwards are set to return to being in monochrome following more difficult decisions from the Government this morning.
Osborne warns of further cuts to his own conscience
March 13, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has warned of further cuts to his conscience in time for the forthcoming 2016 budget.
Osborne warns of further spending cunts
February 26, 2016 by 1 Comment
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has warned of further cunts to public spending in next months budget. Mr Osborne said that global economic turmoil and slower growth meant undertaking further reductions. But not ones with a single shred of morality. “We’re going to have to make some more difficunt decisions” He explained. “I’ve looked […]
Fury as Osborne family win lottery jackpot
January 10, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has refused to confirm or deny that either he or a member of his close family scooped a lottery jackpot of almost £30 million yesterday. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show Mr Osborne denied that the win would change him. “It’s not that much really. And anyway it’s not […]
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