MPs urged to keep quiet about the fact that we’re not actually going to leave the EU

MPs have been urged to keep quiet about the fact that we’re not actually going to leave the EU at all, until the political wind changes and people forget all about it.

Prospective Prime Minister Boris Johnson said “We’re definitely leaving. Absolutely. You the public have spoken and we’re right on it. I’m winking just in case you can’t see my face directly.

“To the naked eye it might look like we’re still in the EU. We may still attend the meetings, abide by the rules and have a series of complex political and fiscal arrangements. But other than that we’re leaving. We’re offski. In every sense of the word other than literally. You have my word on that.” He explained, whilst kicking us under the table.

Breaking his silence this morning , Chancellor George Osborne said “I can assure all BREXIT voters that it’s all going to happen straight away. It might take 2 years. It might take 22 years. And then, as soon as we’ve had another advisory referendum, if it’s leave again then we’ll make some sort of plan. But you can’t rush these things.”

Present Prime Minister David Cameron said “I’m not going to do anything about it myself but the person who takes over me at the end of the year is going to be on it like a whippet up a drain pipe. If that’s what they want to do. Ultimately its up to them.”

One BREXIT voter said “I’m so happy we’ve got our country back. It’s the most wonderful day of my life.”