George Osborne’s dominatrix given knighthood

George Osborne’s regular dominatrix has been awarded a knighthood today for services to pleasuring over privileged former public school boys with a piece of birch.

MPs urged to keep quiet about the fact that we’re not actually going to leave the EU

MPs have been urged to keep quiet about the fact that we’re not actually going to leave the EU at all, until the political wind changes and people forget all about it.

Boris “We must use the Isle of Wight as an example”

Britain must follow the lead of the Isle of Wight and use its lack of racial diversity as a shining beacon as how the UK could be post Brexit, according to conservative leadership hopeful Boris Johnson. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show, the former Mayor said that the islanders’ mistrust of all visitors, even other […]

Cameron nicks a car for his wife

David Cameron has shown himself to be a man of the people by twocking a car from a nearby estate, which he apparently plans to give to his wife. Reg Grundy from the Blackbird Lees estate in Oxford said “I couldn’t believe it. I saw someone out of my front window trying to break into […]

Cameron to accommodate child refugees the day before an election

David Cameron has been overwhelmed with compassion the day before local authority elections and agreed help for unaccompanied refugee children. The night before elections. “Originally I thought sod them, and in actual fact encouraged my party to vote against helping children who were alone and fleeing war torn countries. And then the day before local […]

David Cameron’s cat 8th on Sunday Times rich list

Prime Minister David Cameron has refused to discuss the apparent wealth of his cat as publicised today in the Sunday Times rich list arguing that it is a private matter. Speaking this morning on the Marr show Mr Cameron said “Obviously I might have helped him open the accounts. He’s a cat. Does he pay […]

Furious Gary Barlow demands explanation from PM over tax affairs

An incandescent with rage Gary Barlow has gone on record to demand and a full and frank explanation of David Cameron’s tax affairs.

David Cameron to head tax evasion inquiry

David Cameron has promised to head a new inquiry into tax evasion, starting tomorrow or maybe the day after, at the latest in the next week or so.

Falklands naval exit nothing to do with starting war and winning election this time

David Cameron has today assured critics that the recent naval exit from the Falklands has absolutely nothing to do with starting another war, winning it, winning the next General election as a result and subsequently ensuring British ownership of a plethora of natural resources before any Argentinians get their hands on it. Speaking on the […]

Javid “I can’t save the steel industry. I’m washing my hair.”

Business Secretary Sajid Javid has said that he will sadly be unable to promise nationalisation of the Port Talbot steel works in Wales, as he is too busy washing his hair.