Conservative MPs celebrate acquittal with dominatrices and asphyxiation

Conservative MPs throughout Britain are celebrating escaping criminal charges for financial irregularities by hiring a dominatrix who will tell them that they are still very naughty.

George Osborne’s dominatrix given knighthood

George Osborne’s regular dominatrix has been awarded a knighthood today for services to pleasuring over privileged former public school boys with a piece of birch.