George Osborne’s dominatrix given knighthood

george osborne's dominatrix

George Osborne’s regular dominatrix has been awarded a knighthood today for services to pleasuring over privileged former public school boys with a piece of birch.

Newly knighted Dame Natalie Rowe said she was so overwhelmed by the appointment that she had completely forgotten the whereabouts of some more pictures that she was going to show us.

“I had a few stories to tell about drug fuelled niche sex parties but inexplicably they’ve all suddenly vanished from my memory.” She explained.

Mr Osborne has heralded the award as a victory for common sense that will silence his critics once and for all.

“It’s one in the eye for people who think we just award these honours to cronies and yes men.  This particular person rarely even paid me any compliments. She just told me I was a bad Chancellor. A naughty little boy. A filthy little worm. And in fact I was so naughty that she was going to slap me over and over again. Until I said the safe word.”

“So she was hardly trying to get in my good books.”

Other beneficiaries of knighthoods included a very rich man who sometimes appeared in pictures with David Cameron somewhere near the back,  Gary Barlow and the man who did his ball sack and crack.

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