Pharmaceutical companies and so-called Doctors have been asked to account for the fact that people have been catching measles at festivals despite being at one with the earth and never having been vaccinated.
One incensed measles sufferer Tarquin Moonchild told us that he blamed the whole thing on science.
“I did all the right things. I ensured I had meditated enough to have sufficient chi, I bought all manner of dried super foods from Holland and Barrett which I put in a Guatemalan stripey bag. And I asked my friend to send me some distance Reiki healing. Doctors must have known that I was living so naturally and out of spite must have sneaked into my tent in the middle of the night and given me measles.” He explained.
Indeed, many who quite rightly shunned vaccinations for fear of damaging their aura have mysteriously reported catching the disease whilst at crowded events amongst people who are vaccinated and inexplicably haven’t caught it.
“They have vaccinations and somehow don’t attract it. I have had Hopi ear candle treatment with whale music in the background and yet I get it. It’s a conspiracy. All Doctors should resign.”
Secretary of state for health Jeremy Hunt said “I can only apologise. We’re obviously putting far too much funding into the NHS.”