Trump state visit downgraded to “One cup of tea then you fuck off”

Donald Trump’s forthcoming state visit to Britain has been downgraded to “One cup of tea then you fuck off” according to Government insiders.

Boris Johnson “We must all climb into Trump’s arse”

We must all climb into Donald Trump’s arse and deferentially do his bidding, blindly following his every xenophobic whim according to Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson.

Red people should piss off back to their own country

Britain is being overrun by bright red people with peely skin, who should piss off back to their own country, according to foreign secretary Boris Johnson.

New cabinet to meet at night

Theresa May’s new cabinet are to hold their meetings in the middle of the night, when most of the British public are tucked up safe and sound, according to sources close to the new Prime Minister.

Prime Minister Gove to punish everyone

Michael Gove has promised today that should he obtain the role of Prime Minister he will exact venomous revenge on all humankind rather than just singling out a particular minority to punish.

MPs urged to keep quiet about the fact that we’re not actually going to leave the EU

MPs have been urged to keep quiet about the fact that we’re not actually going to leave the EU at all, until the political wind changes and people forget all about it.

Voters’ confusion as immigrants still here

A leave voter has told of his anguish this morning on waking up to find that there were some foreign people in his immediate vicinity who appeared to be showing no signs of packing their bags and shockingly seemed to be living their lives like nothing had happened.

Britain votes to put its dick in a blender

Britain has voted to put it’s own penis in a food processor and turn it on in order to make Britain great again.

Boris “We must use the Isle of Wight as an example”

Britain must follow the lead of the Isle of Wight and use its lack of racial diversity as a shining beacon as how the UK could be post Brexit, according to conservative leadership hopeful Boris Johnson. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show, the former Mayor said that the islanders’ mistrust of all visitors, even other […]

Britain will be forced to have French loos warn Brexit

British citizens will be forced to balance on their haunches with their trousers round their ankles and shit into a hole in the ground rather than use British seated toilets, should the UK vote to remain in the European Union, Brexit campaigners have warned today. A furious Boris Johnson said “We need to take back […]