New cabinet to meet at night

theresa may philip hammond

Theresa May’s new cabinet are to hold their meetings in the middle of the night, when most of the British public are tucked up safe and sound, according to sources close to the new Prime Minister.

Announcing her cabinet at 9pm so as to have their first meeting at midnight, Ms May told a press conference that there was absolutely nothing scary about the new Government’s lurch towards nocturnalism, and her insistence on turning off all street lamps, to launch Downing street and the surrounding area into complete darkness, was a perfectly normal thing to do.

“It simply means we can hold constructive meetings interrupted only by the moonlight or the twit-ter-wooing of a nearby owl. It has absolutely nothing to do with any of the cabinet, including myself, being vile and twisted creatures of the undead.”

Indeed, newly appointed Count von Count Philip Hammond, who is reportedly 416 years old has assured the public that cabinet members will be only to happy to attend functions in the daytime though ideally they should be indoors with black-out curtains.

“We’re all regular chaps here. The door of my coffin is always open” He explained.

Newly appointed Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has described the media response to the move as “boring and predictable”. “They used to witter on about us all being posh kids from Eton, now they’re wittering on about us not having reflections in the mirror.” he explained.


  1. I am told that blood sucking vampires prefer to do their business in the dark.

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