Cyclist on Southsea seafront to try using the actual cycle lane just fucking once

A cyclist on Southsea seafront has given his clearest indication yet that he might just might use the massive cycle lane, that the entire road was narrowed and reconstructed in order to accommodate, just fucking once.

“I’d rather hold up the traffic on the road or have near misses with people, children and dogs on the promenade, but if it’ll stop people shouting ‘use the fucking cycle lane’ at me several times a day then I might just consider using it just once, if only to shut everyone up.

“On one hand I realise that there’s no room for anyone to overtake me because of the road being narrowed to accommodate the cycle lane that I never use and as a result I hold up all the traffic. On the other hand I’m special. I can zig zag down the road like a fart in a trance with the wind in my receding hair confident that my dodgy lycra get up and lack of carbon footprint make me better than all people in cars.

“After all, the cycle lane is for people dawdling up and down the seafront on normal bikes. I have a very expensive bike and I’ve got all the gear to go with it. So I’m as good as a car. In fact in the eyes of the law I probably am a car.”

Head of Portsmouth Council Donna Jones said “I wish him every luck with his endeavour.”