May “Gerard Depardieu is interfering in our General Election”

Foreigners from across the sea are interfering in the UK General election in a plot masterminded by Gerard Depardieu according to Prime Minister Theresa May.

Brexit tensions are thought to have hit an all time low after Mrs May launched a vicious attack on “Brussels bureaucrats led by Gerard Depardieu, Sacha Distell and Demis Roussos”.

Speaking from behind a screen, so as not to have any actual contact with the General public or local press, Mrs May said “I’m not prepared to discuss this with anyone who might have a well thought out opinion. This election is mainly about stereotypes, misinformation and casual racism.

“They are ganging up and trying to take our Britishness. They want to make us eat pate for lunch and they want to make boules our national game. Only I can make them go away. A vote for Corbyn means the likes of Depardieu making us follow french rules and then shrugging his shoulders, and making vowel-heavy french noises.”

Critics have cast doubt on whether Mr Depardieu is directly involved in attempting to sway the results of the General Election. However the front page of the Daily Mail, this morning with the headline “Traitors suck up to Depardieu and defy the will of the people”, has called for such people to be hanged under new corporal punishment rules following Brexit.