Conservatives to bring back Jim’ll Fix it

saville and May

The Conservative party will bring back Jim’ll Fix It on BBC1 if re-elected, according to Prime Minister Theresa May.

The Prime Minister, who has taken the decision to host the show herself in the case of failure to find a new Jim, appeared at a press conference today wearing a tracksuit and spoke with a northern accent whilst she read out letters from the public.

“Dear Jim, please could you fix it for me to have access to basic services such as healthcare and education.

“Well now then, now then, as it happens we spoke to our friends at Eton College and BUPA and they said certainly. As long as you’ve got lots of money that you can give us. Once again I’m making a child’s dreams come true.” Mrs May explained whilst lighting a cigar.

A second letter read “Dear Jim, please could you fix it for me to trample across people’s land on a horse willy nilly, whilst mercilessly pursuing a tired fox who then gets ripped to pieces by a pack of hounds.

“Urghee urghee urrgghh!! Here’s a lorry load of solid platinum Jim’ll fix it badges to wear on the hunt without any fear of having to pay tax on them.” She continued.

The press conference finished with a band singing “May’ll fix it for you. But not you or you or yoooo! Da da daa da da daa!”

One viewer told us “I wrote to Jimmy Saville in the 1980s asking if he could fix it for me to lose my job and home following a clusterfuck of a recession caused by leaving the single market. And now here’s Theresa, making it come true.”

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