Nuttall “If we don’t get any seats, I’ll change our name to Pookip”

UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has today vowed to change the party’s name to Pookip if they fail to win any seats at the forthcoming general election.

May “No TV debate because I’ll look like a shitbag”

Prime Minister Theresa May has today ruled out participating in any TV debates before the forthcoming General Election as it might make her look like a tiny bit of a cunt.

Cameron prepares for his last poo at Number 10

David Cameron is preparing for what may be his very last poo at number 10 should he be forced out of his Prime Ministerial job and home by Ed Miliband after tomorrow’s general election. According to Downing Street insiders the long tradition of new Prime Ministers having to ‘give it ten minutes’ due to the […]

Conservatives hoping everyone forgets about Iain Duncan Smith

The Conservatives are hoping that everyone forgets about Iain Duncan Smith until at least Friday according to a secret report leaked this afternoon by Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg. Speaking to John Humphreys on the today programme Mr Clegg said “I’m not one for tittle tattle but I was told in private that the Tories […]

Russell brand tells people not to vote again

Russell Brand has changed his mind and appealed to the public not to vote. Speaking eloquently through the medium of the English language Mr Brand said “I revert forthwith to my original stance. Forsooth I mistook the emotions I experienced after meeting Ed Miliband for a desire to vote for him and persuade my less […]

Boris offers free drugs to all voters

The General Election took an unexpected turn this morning when aspiring Conservative leader Boris Johnson told all floating voters that a vote for his party would mean free drugs. Speaking this morning on the Andrew Marr show where he was vying with Labour Leader Ed Miliband for the best vote winning policies Mr Johnson said […]

Miliband to legalise kicking your boss up the arse

A Labour Government will put legislation into place to enable all workers to occasionally kick their boss up the arse without any risk of being fired or incurring criminal charges according to leader Ed Miliband. Speaking on the Marr show the shadow Prime Minister said “We still need to make difficult decisions in terms of […]

Danny Alexander celebrates his 21st birthday

The Easter week-end has been a time for double celebration for ginger Lib Dem Danny Alexander as the Chief Secretary to the treasury was also celebrating his 21st birthday. Mr Alexander is thought to have toasted his 21st with a select group of friends of a similar age before bringing the festivities to an early […]

Miliband and Cameron refuse to rule out coalition with each other

David Cameron and Ed Miliband have refused to rule out a coalition with each other should the smaller parties start getting too many seats and therefore want to be involved in Government. A spokesman for both parties said “It should be quite straight forward. We’ll do some things we want to do and some things […]

Green Party pledge more sunshine and flowers

The Green Party have pledged at least 30% more sunshine and flowers should they be voted in to power in the General election in May. The pledges are part of their recently released manifesto which also promises 28% more skipping. 13% more fluffy bunnies, and 41% more sitting round a fire with an acoustic guitar […]