Britain set to vote ‘Wanking Monkey’

Party leaders are said to be ‘upset and disappointed’ at the results of the latest polls released today which suggest that most of the British public are intending to shun all major and minor political parties at the forthcoming General election, and instead vote for a wanking monkey.

UKIP to change name to United Kingdom No MP Party (UKNOMP)

UKIP is to change its name to the United Kingdom No MP party or UKNOMP according to leader Paul Nuttall.

Richard Madeley urges second EU referendum

A second EU referendum seems far more likely today following an impassioned plea for one by daytime TV personality Richard Madeley.

Paul Nuttall accused of lying over his Stoke address of 48b Bollocks Avenue

UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has defended his decision to put 48b Bollocks avenue, Stoke-on-Trent on his election nomination form even thought he apparently doesn’t know where it is.

“Britain will be mainly ginger if we get rid of immigrants” warns secret UKIP report

A secret UKIP report has questioned the party’s policy on lowering immigration warning that it could mean an unsustainable rise in ginger haired people.

Jerry Springer to host UKIP leadership debate

Jerry Springer has confirmed that he will be hosting a live television debate between UKIP leadership candidates Suzanne Evans and Paul Nuttall.

Marauding clowns just leaderless UKIP members

The recent spell of marauding clowns throughout the UK is comprised of UKIP members who have had their referendum, lost their leader and now don’t know what to do, according to former leader Nigel Farage. “They’ve had their vote, they’ve worked out that all their problems are going to be there whether we’re in Europe […]

Far right brexit campaigner has carefully analysed the fiscal implications

A far right Brexit campaigner has carefully analysed the fiscal implications of remaining in or leaving the EU, before deciding the leave option to be the most universally beneficial

Cameron convinces EU countries to drive on the left

David Cameron has convinced other European countries to start driving on the left, as part of a new deal in the EU that includes other member states having eggs and bacon for breakfast and speaking English amongst themselves. Beaming proudly, a victorious  Mr Cameron said “We want Britain to stay in the EU as a […]

The Sun “Migrating moles must get back underground”

The Sun newspaper has devoted its front page this morning to the news that many moles are considering abandoning their life underground and looking to start a new life on the earth’s surface. In an abrupt editorial Editor Tony Gallagher said “If we let them up here we pave the way for ferrets, badgers and all […]