Paul Nuttall accused of lying over his Stoke address of 48b Bollocks Avenue

paul-nuttall-stoke-by-election

UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has defended his decision to put 48b Bollocks avenue, Stoke-on-Trent on his election nomination form even thought he apparently doesn’t know where it is.

“Britain will be mainly ginger if we get rid of immigrants” warns secret UKIP report

infestation-of-ginger-haired-people

A secret UKIP report has questioned the party’s policy on lowering immigration warning that it could mean an unsustainable rise in ginger haired people.

Jerry Springer to host UKIP leadership debate

springer-ku-klux-klan

Jerry Springer has confirmed that he will be hosting a live television debate between UKIP leadership candidates Suzanne Evans and Paul Nuttall.

Marauding clowns just leaderless UKIP members

marauding-clowns

The recent spell of marauding clowns throughout the UK is comprised of UKIP members who have had their referendum, lost their leader and now don’t know what to do, according to former leader Nigel Farage. “They’ve had their vote, they’ve worked out that all their problems are going to be there whether we’re in Europe […]

Far right brexit campaigner has carefully analysed the fiscal implications

paul golding brexit

A far right Brexit campaigner has carefully analysed the fiscal implications of remaining in or leaving the EU, before deciding the leave option to be the most universally beneficial

Cameron convinces EU countries to drive on the left

Cameron drive on left

David Cameron has convinced other European countries to start driving on the left, as part of a new deal in the EU that includes other member states having eggs and bacon for breakfast and speaking English amongst themselves. Beaming proudly, a victorious  Mr Cameron said “We want Britain to stay in the EU as a […]

The Sun “Migrating moles must get back underground”

migrating moles

The Sun newspaper has devoted its front page this morning to the news that many moles are considering abandoning their life underground and looking to start a new life on the earth’s surface. In an abrupt editorial Editor Tony Gallagher said “If we let them up here we pave the way for ferrets, badgers and all […]

Family refused social housing for being “too English”

social housing

A family from Woking Surrey have told of their shock and disappointment after being refused social housing for being “too English”. Janet and John White say they were told in no uncertain terms that had they been born and grown up in a Mediterranean country then they would have had a far greater chance of […]

More immigrants needed to dilute Daily Mail readers gene pool

daily mail immigrants

The Government are today facing calls to rapidly increase immigration in order to dilute the gene pool of Daily Mail readers, Daily Express readers and UKIPPers, which continues to show no signs of breeding with anyone else apart from other like minded Caucasians with the same newspaper reading habits, often hailing from the same village. […]

Farage “I’ll piss off when George Galloway pisses off”

farage galloway

Former and now current UKIP leader Nigel Farage has told the British public that despite promises to the contrary he will not be pissing off out of the limelight, unless former Respect MP George Galloway does. Speaking to a heaving press conference, Mr Farage said “George isn’t pissing off because the people of Bradford west […]