“Fuck it. Eat sugar” say Doctors

Britain’s Doctors have gone on record this morning to say “Fuck it. Eat sugar.”

Former Richard and Judy TV Doctor and now vaguely medical product endorser Dr Chris Steele told us “It’s not the new smoking, unless you smoke it. Nice people have it in labelled jars next to their tea and coffee.

“It’s true that a each can of coca cola has a whole trowel full of sugar in it. And every cup of coffee with one lump of sugar in actually has three. And I think you’ll find if you study the ingredients of toothpaste very carefully, you’ll find it contains sugar. The only product that doesn’t have hidden sugar in it, is sugar. And that makes it natural and safe to eat.”

Indeed this apparent U-turn from the medical profession has been very much echoed by the public at large. One mother we spoke to had been feeding her son solely sugar all day.”My son knows his own body. And he tells me he wants sugar so that’s what he’s getting. He’s my world. And he’s brimming with health. That’s why he won’t stop jumping up and down.”

The newly formed ‘Action on Sugar’ which contains many of the members of the campaign group ‘Salt is a bastard’ have said they will not rest until people completely stop eating it. A spokesman for both organisations explained “Obviously everyone has a spoonful or two on their weetabix, some in their coffee, a pastry later on, and puddings have to have sugar in, otherwise they wouldn’t be puddings. But soft fizzy drinks are a no no, unless you plan to offset them with a packet of crisps.”