Richard Madeley urges second EU referendum

A second EU referendum seems far more likely today following an impassioned plea for one by daytime TV personality Richard Madeley.

UK ambassador to EU resigns as EU countries refuse to speak English

The UK’s ambassador to the EU quit due to not understanding what anyone was talking about it has emerged today.

“Someone should have warned us about a recession” say Brexiters

Furious Brexiters are criticising economists and credit agencies today for not warning them that stepping out of the largest free market in the world would somehow cause a clusterfuck of a recession.

Britain will be forced to have French loos warn Brexit

British citizens will be forced to balance on their haunches with their trousers round their ankles and shit into a hole in the ground rather than use British seated toilets, should the UK vote to remain in the European Union, Brexit campaigners have warned today. A furious Boris Johnson said “We need to take back […]

Conservatives divided over whether to be total bastards or utter bastards

The Conservative party is thought to be divided today over whether to be total bastards or utter bastards. Prime Minister David Cameron has denied that now the Conservative Government has disenfranchised just about every sector of society that isn’t them, they were ready to turn on each other like a pack of rabid dogs. However, […]

Iain Duncan Smith resigns in protest against his own policies

Iain Duncan Smith has resigned as Work and Pensions secretary citing his own policies as a step too far. “I wouldn’t want to be part of a Government that would let someone as unpleasant as me form policies. It’s a step too far my precious.” He explained. It’s thought that Mr Duncan Smith had revelled […]

“Stop naming us” say MPs who voted for disability benefit cuts

Conservative MPs who voted for £30 a week cuts in benefits for disabled people have asked today for people to stop naming them on social media so they can continue to claim huge expenses and lie about giving a shit.

Iain Duncan Smith to leave Europe now

Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan smith is reportedly so excited about the possibility of Britain leaving the European Union that he has gone on ahead and left Europe already. A source close to the shiny headed inequality monger said “He was like a cat on a hot tin roof. The thought of living on […]

Boris launches leadership campaign under guise of some EU thing

Boris Johnson has formalised his campaign to run for Prime Minister under the guise of some argument over membership of the EU. The shaggy, self serving, former Eton schoolboy said that the question of whether to remain in the EU was a complicated issue and it had taken him hours of painstaking thought to work out […]

Osborne “We are the party of the night”

George Osborne has confirmed today that all future Government meetings will be held during the night, with Ministers retreating to darkened rooms to sleep in the day time. The news will not surprise many journalists who have inexplicably found it impossible to arrange press conferences in the daytime, unless indoors with no windows, for some […]