George Osborne has confirmed today that all future Government meetings will be held during the night, with Ministers retreating to darkened rooms to sleep in the day time. The news will not surprise many journalists who have inexplicably found it impossible to arrange press conferences in the daytime, unless indoors with no windows, for some time.
Speaking at the Conservative Party conference Mr Osborne said “Ultimately we’d like everyone to avoid daylight, but we’ll start with ourselves to prove we’re not afraid to lead by example”
The news has taken social media by storm with many suggesting that the conference’s ban on garlic, pointy wooden sticks and holy water are in some way connected. However, party grandees have hit back saying that comparisons to blood sucking vampires, who receive ever lasting life through sucking the life blood from humankind and who are also nocturnal, are “irresponsible and unhelpful”.
Work and Pensions secretary Iain Duncan Smith, who himself has been strictly nocturnal for some years, has applauded the new policy and stressed that the message to disgruntled labour supporter to “come over to us. We don’t bite” had been taken out of context.
“It’s nothing to do with vampires. We just think that benefit claimants and low earners have been getting free light, which is hardly going to encourage them to move ahead in life.” He assured.