Government earmark £4 billion to rebuild Richard Branson’s island

The Government is set to earmark four billion pounds to rebuild Richard Branson’s hurricane damaged island in a forthcoming statement due to be announced by Theresa May at her speech at the Conservative conference.

Short people to be excluded from living wage

Workers who measure in at under 5ft 6″ in height are not “productive” enough to warrant being paid the new National Living Wage and as a result shouldn’t get it, according to Government Minister Matthew Hancock. Speaking at the Conservative Party conference Mr Hancock said “Everyone knows that short people are less likely to change […]

Osborne “We are the party of the night”

George Osborne has confirmed today that all future Government meetings will be held during the night, with Ministers retreating to darkened rooms to sleep in the day time. The news will not surprise many journalists who have inexplicably found it impossible to arrange press conferences in the daytime, unless indoors with no windows, for some […]

Cameron “We’ll protect the NHS until we’ve finished selling it”

Prime Minister David Cameron has promised Britain that if re-elected, a conservative government will protect the NHS until such time as they can sell off every last bit of it and make it like America. Speaking on the final day of the Conservative Party conference Mr Cameron said “I am furious that labour think that […]

Eric B and Rakim defect to UKIP

David Cameron has had to endure yet another blow to his credibility this morning as news broke that 1980s rap and DJ duo Eric B and Rakim  have defected to UKIP. Political expert Nick Robinson told us “They actually can’t vote themselves as they come from Long Island, New York and as far as we’re […]