Government earmark £4 billion to rebuild Richard Branson’s island

The Government is set to earmark four billion pounds to rebuild Richard Branson’s hurricane damaged island in a forthcoming statement due to be announced by Theresa May at her speech at the Conservative conference.

Band Aid 30 tops the hit parade

A spokesman for radio one has confirmed on their weekly Sunday chart show that the charity all star collaboration record “feed the ducks” for which all the proceeds go to aiding ducks in Yorkshire with avian flu has today reached the top of the hit parade. As in the 1980s the single is organised by […]

Queen disappointed that Irish Prime Minister not Bono

The Queen is said by Royal sources to be ‘deeply disappointed’ that the President of Ireland who arrived today for a state visit is not actually Bono out of 1980s rock band U2. A palace insider told us “It was just a shock for her. Every time she turned on the TV that Bono was […]

Fears mount of Sting releasing another anti-cold war song

In Europe and America there’s a growing feeling of hysteria or so the song went. And fears are mounting today that amidst the worsening crisis in Ukraine and sabre rattling from Russian President Vladimir Putin, former Police front man Sting may be likely to release another anti-cold war song. A source close to Sting told […]

Celebrities protest against something or other

Companies and/or Governments who have been up to something or other have today been discussing whether or not they should continue with what they’re doing after revelations that some of the inevitable public protests may include celebrities.  The added factor that some protesters may also be actors, singers or clothes designers has put things in […]

Slutty panda to blame for unwanted pregnancy

Edinburgh Zoo has today become the focus for world wide condemnation on the news that yet another panda has exhibited loose morals and managed to get themselves up the duff. An editorial in the Daily Mail has explained “They dress provocatively and they only get themselves pregnant in order to get a larger enclosure in […]

African people to build a giant Bono

The entire population of Africa are set to get together and build a giant Bono by way of thanks for the singer speaking on their behalf, according to singer Bono who was speaking at the G8 summit today on behalf of the people of Africa. The speech in which the singer also announced the  launch […]