The Queen is said by Royal sources to be ‘deeply disappointed’ that the President of Ireland who arrived today for a state visit is not actually Bono out of 1980s rock band U2.
A palace insider told us “It was just a shock for her. Every time she turned on the TV that Bono was on there criticising wealthy people except himself and she just assumed he must be president. I think she’d set her heart on him performing a few hits whilst she danced around with the Corgis.”
In a rare statement from the Queen herself she explained “One was aware that one was meeting a Michael D Higgins but one simply thought that must be Bono’s real name. One is really frightfully disappointed. He could at least have been Frank Carson.”
The Irish Press have reported equal measures of disappointment from Mr Higgins. “I thought I was meeting the band Queen. I just ended up having to look after an old lady all day which was feckin’ ridiculous. It was funny though. She looked like that lady on the stamps.”
One insider told us “This is the first visit to the UK by an Irish head of state. Looks like the last as well. Hardly surprising though, it was just like this in 2011 when the Queen went to Ireland”
U2 guitarist The Edge (real name Lee Eggs) told us he could understand the mistake. “People walk out of our gigs all the time when they realise Michael D Higgins doesn’t have anything to do with it.” he told us.
News Toad 
What a load of crap this visit is! AND What a toad! Go to http://www.fuggingmonarchy.co.uk Have a good laugh at the royals and feel a lot better for it.