Britain is being overrun by bright red people with peely skin, who should piss off back to their own country, according to foreign secretary Boris Johnson.
Making an impassioned speech ahead of his planned diplomatic visits to Dago Central and Wongabongatonga land Mr Johnson said “This is a sudden and rapid influx of people with a burgundy appearance probably all from Hamland or wherever these pinkos come from. Bloody lobsters coming over here and wanting a free ride if you ask me.
“Pulling sickies from work, wandering round with no tops on and drinking shit beer. We’ve been doing that for decades yet these red people think that by joining in with such British values then we’ll accept them. Well we won’t.”
Prime Minister Theresa May has promised to limit free movement of red people who it’s thought come from European holiday resorts though often have British passports and sometimes don’t even leave Britain in the first place.
“As soon as I end our allegiance to the European court of human rights we’ll send them back en masse” She explained.
“In the meantime, it is up to people selling sun tan lotion to dob these people in” She added.