President Trump has today signed a new executive order placing a 90-day ban on people from Skull island just in case one of them is a forty-foot high monkey.
“Britain will be mainly ginger if we get rid of immigrants” warns secret UKIP report
December 12, 2016 by Leave a Comment
A secret UKIP report has questioned the party’s policy on lowering immigration warning that it could mean an unsustainable rise in ginger haired people.
Captain Cook to fuck off back to his own country as Australia bans immigration by boat
October 30, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Captain Cook, all his descendants and anyone who looks a bit like him will have to fuck off back to their own country following a landmark ruling today to ban all immigrants who attempt to enter the country by boat.
Amber Rudd “British loo paper for British arses”
October 5, 2016 by 1 Comment
British people are to wipe their British arses with British loo paper after using British toilets, according to new legislation outlined today by Home Secretary Amber Rudd.
Red people should piss off back to their own country
July 20, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Britain is being overrun by bright red people with peely skin, who should piss off back to their own country, according to foreign secretary Boris Johnson.
Britain “overrun with Mexican bandits”
May 21, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Britain is set to be overrun with Mexican bandits who have been sneaking in whilst everyone has been too busy worrying about Romanians and Muslims to take notice. Justice Secretary and prominent Leave campaigner Michael Gove has warned that if left unchecked up to 70% or 80% of Britain’s population could consist of horse riding […]
Portsmouth locals fury at immigrants cooking with fresh ingredients
February 6, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Portsmouth City Council Leader, Donna Jones, has described reports of immigrants and refugees mitigating the effects of limited financial assistance by creating delicious meals made cheaply out of fresh ingredients, as abhorrent. “Hello. McDonalds. Hello.” She told a heaving press conference in Guildhall square this morning. “Poor people should eat Findus crispy pancakes, white bread […]
Immigration policy to be decided by punch up in Dover
January 30, 2016 by Leave a Comment
MPs are anxiously awaiting the results of the punch up in Dover today in order to finalise British policy on immigration. One Dover local said “I had previously regarded the far right with some amusement and I was planning to ignore them and get on with my day. Now it’s all going to be decided […]
The Sun “Migrating moles must get back underground”
November 24, 2015 by Leave a Comment
The Sun newspaper has devoted its front page this morning to the news that many moles are considering abandoning their life underground and looking to start a new life on the earth’s surface. In an abrupt editorial Editor Tony Gallagher said “If we let them up here we pave the way for ferrets, badgers and all […]
Native Americans celebrate as Trump vows to kick out immigrants
October 1, 2015 by 2 Comments
Native Americans are celebrating today following Republican leadership hopeful Donald Trump’s assurances that should he become President then all immigrants and descendants of immigrants including himself will be sent back to their own countries. Mr Trump, full name Donald Trumpety-Trump said “Who do you trust to kick out all immigrants including myself. Trump! And you […]
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