British people are to wipe their British arses with British loo paper after using British toilets, according to new legislation outlined today by Home Secretary Amber Rudd.
Daily Mail readers confused now Labour are racist
May 1, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Daily Mail readers have this morning demanded clarity from their newspaper following claims that the labour party are in fact the party of racial intolerance. One outraged reader said “I’ve been reading the Mail every morning since the 1960s and have dutifully followed my instructions to blame all my life’s woes on the foreign looking […]
Shock as Britain First realise we fought against the far right in world war 2
June 7, 2014 by 4 Comments
BNP style foreigner blamers Britain First are said to have called an emergency meeting this morning as it emerged that one senior member was yesterday informed by a veteran that in World War 2, Britain actually fought against the far right. One shocked activist said “You mean we co-operated with very large number of different […]
Farage “I’m only racist when I eat cheese”
May 19, 2014 by Leave a Comment
Nigel Farage has expressed “regret” for controversial remarks he made about Romanians, explaining that such things often happen if he has been eating cheese. “Look it wasn’t really me. It was the cheese talking. I was hungry. Someone offered me a lump of cheddar and the next thing I know I’m spouting nonsense about how […]
UKIP to prove “not racist” by painting Jim Davidson brown
May 8, 2014 by Leave a Comment
UKIP leader Nigel Farage has said that he will instruct party activists to paint 1970s comedian and former generation game host Jim Davidson a shade of brown so he looks a bit foreign. Speaking to a heaving press conference this morning Mr Farage explained “It doesn’t seem to matter what we do, people still think […]
EDL turn on each other as sunshine makes them look Mediterranean
July 17, 2013 by 5 Comments
The English Defence League have declared war on each other as the last few days of scorching weather have resulted in their own members looking from a distance like they might come from Spain, Italy or Portugal. This mornings march reportedly descended into violence after each protester mistakenly believed that the group had been taken […]
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