Paul Golding announced as new Doctor Who

Britain First leader Paul Golding has confirmed that he will be making his acting debut later this year having been offered the role of Doctor Who.

Britain First to boycott Wimbledon following decision to sell Halal strawberries

Britain First leader Paul Golding has confirmed that he will boycott Wimbledon this year following the competition’s decision to sell only Halal strawberries.

Far right violence nothing to do with us say far right violent group

Far right group Britain First have denied that violent actions of any of their members following their own doctrines are anything to do with them.

Far right brexit campaigner has carefully analysed the fiscal implications

A far right Brexit campaigner has carefully analysed the fiscal implications of remaining in or leaving the EU, before deciding the leave option to be the most universally beneficial

Jovial Britain First see the funny side of having a Muslim mayor

A very jovial Britain First have said that despite their best efforts, the people of London have voted in a Muslim mayor and ultimately they can see the funny side of the whole situation.

Britain First to hold next Christian patrol in Syria

Britain First are set to fly out to Syria to preach Christian values and wave British flags about, following the success of their recent Christian patrol in Luton. Leader Paul Golding said that the trip would prove once and for all that his group was committed to defending British values of tolerance and equality, even […]

Paul Golding makes new years honours list

Paul Golding, leader of popular goose-stepping movement Britain First has been included in this year’s honours list for services to keeping Britain racist. A government spokesman said “We can confirm that we will be offering a Lordship, a knighthood or an OBE or something to Mr Paul Golding for services to keep Britain extra Britishy […]

The Sun “Migrating moles must get back underground”

The Sun newspaper has devoted its front page this morning to the news that many moles are considering abandoning their life underground and looking to start a new life on the earth’s surface. In an abrupt editorial Editor Tony Gallagher said “If we let them up here we pave the way for ferrets, badgers and all […]

Britain First to defend Falklands

Britain First are set to travel to the Falkland Islands to help defend against any threat from Argentina, according to Defence secretary Philip Hammond, who today unveiled a series of measures to bolster the British armed forces without spending any money. Speaking to a heaving press conference Mr Hammond said “They’ve got uniforms, they like […]

Public thank Britain First for winning world war one

The British public have come together as one to thank BNP splinter group Britain First who according to their social media posts appear to have won World War One. One adoring fan told us “They’re my heroes. You won’t find them travelling and learning about new cultures because they’re too busy protecting Britain.. But they […]