Dull people who cling desperately to the perceived life of celebrities in order to mask the blandness of their own uneventful lives, have begun a three day television vigil in order to ensure they don’t miss a minute of George Clooney’s stupid fucking attention seeking wedding.
Clooney, who is best known for playing Joey in Friends, was this morning posing for photographers on a boat in a Venice with his wife to be, Amal Alamuddin. Both were wearing sunglasses and sporting very white shiny teeth. “Our lives are of course infinitely better than yours but we can only feel special if you desperately watch the event we haven’t invited you to like a hawk from the sidelines.” they explained.
One dull office worker we spoke to had flooded her flat in order to transform it into a mini Venice with an inflatable gondola in the middle in which she was already sitting wearing a dress, I’ve been gearing up for it for months and in my mind I am actually going to be there. I just want to live it, eat it, breathe it, absorb it through my skin and wash my hair with it. However, if the media coverage gets even slightly overshadowed by war against Islamic State or some sort of natural disaster I will throw my television out of the window onto a busy street.”
The wedding is set to continue indefinitely.
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