Chilcot “I haven’t done the report”

sir john chilcott

Sir John Chilcot has confessed today that those eagerly waiting to read his report on the Iraq War may be sorely disappointed. Because he hasn’t done it.

Backtracking from his original statement that he did it but a burglar took it or he mislaid it or there was a fire. Sir John explained

“I thought, if I had 6 years to do it I could just arse about for the first 3 and nobody need ever know. Then I went on holiday, and then I forgot about it for a bit and then got tied up doing other stuff. Then I was going to leave it all to the night before and copy it all off Lord Hutton from his inquiry but the sod wouldn’t let me.

“At least I’m being honest”

BBC political editor Laura Kuenssberg told us of her relief at not having to trawl through an estimated 2.6 million words in order to find something incriminating Tony Blair before ignoring aforesaid evidence and instead running a story featuring Labour MPs calling for Jeremy Corbyn’s resignation.

“It was largely going to be fucking boring” She confided.

Former Prime Minister Tony Blair said “At least that draws a line under the whole thing.”

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