May “No TV debate because I’ll look like a shitbag”

Prime Minister Theresa May has today ruled out participating in any TV debates before the forthcoming General Election as it might make her look like a tiny bit of a cunt.

Chilcot “I haven’t done the report”

Sir John Chilcot has confessed today that those eagerly waiting to read his report on the Iraq War may be sorely disappointed. Because he hasn’t done it.