May “No TV debate because I’ll look like a shitbag”

may shitbag

Prime Minister Theresa May has today ruled out participating in any TV debates before the forthcoming General Election as it might make her look like a tiny bit of a cunt.

Speaking to a smiling nodding Laura Kuenssberg, in between throwing her sticks that she was excitedly bringing back, Ms May said “I would prefer to get out there and engage with people. By that I mean attending conservative clubs, knocking on carefully vetted doors and issuing carefully choreographed statements to carefully vetted media outlets such as yourself Laura.

“People don’t want to see me arguing on TV anyway. They would rather see me going past in a bus with smoked out windows and surrounded by scary bodyguards.

“The public have had enough of debates and arguing. Which is just as well because if I get in again and wipe out Labour, there literally won’t be any.”

The news comes as Jeremy Corbyn has refused to confirm whether he himself may attend any debate. “I’m here to talk about wildebeest today. I’m sorry. If you want to ask me about TV debates you’ll have to ask me later.” He explained.

Lib Dem leader Tim Farron has announced that he will be attending any debate, even if it is just him there, and even if it is not televised and no-one is watching it.

“I’ll be combining generally sound views with a refusal to say that homosexuality isn’t a sin.”  He told us.

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