Swivel eyed loons at Conservative clubs throughout the country are preparing to choose a new despot, as the choice now appears to be between ‘nearly as mad as Thatcher’ and ‘quite a bit worse’.
“It’s Cruella De Vil or Evil June Whitfield” one barking mad tory told us whilst frothing at the mouth.”One campaigned against BREXIT but wanted it and the other campaigned for BREXIT and didn’t want it. Either way we have to vote for whichever one is going to instigate it quicker so we can have a clusterfuck of a recession and blame it on disabled people.”
The competition is hotting up, with the nation on edge to see who .02% of the population will choose as our democratically elected Prime Minister.
Ms May the Conservatives MP’s choice has assured party members that she is deeply unpleasant enough for the role “I’ll take us out of the European court of human rights. I can’t do anything about immigration but I defend my right to torture people when they get here.”
A smiling Mrs Leadsom promised that she would usher in a new type of conservatism involving charging poor people for having skin.
“Employers shouldn’t have to pay workers. And they should be allowed to beat workers who take time off to have babies. And I’m smiling while I say this. Smiling. Like someone who’s nice. Even though I’m not.” She oozed.