Band Aid 30 tops the hit parade

Margaret Thatcher and Bob Geldof, c 1980s.

A spokesman for radio one has confirmed on their weekly Sunday chart show that the charity all star collaboration record “feed the ducks” for which all the proceeds go to aiding ducks in Yorkshire with avian flu has today reached the top of the hit parade.

As in the 1980s the single is organised by former Boom Town Rats front man Bob Geldof along with Midge ure and Bono out of U2  who took time to tell us “We don’t want to do this. We really don’t. But we are forced to. Otherwise the ducks with flu just have no hope.

“You have to go down to Our Price to buy the record on 45rpm. If you have to listen to it in a booth first then that’s fine but for God’s sake just don’t record it from a friend or off the radio on a c90 audio cassette. That’s crime and by your selfish actions you’ve directly killed at least one duck.

“Oive got enough money to sort the whole shit out moiself. But oim not going to. The only way we can sort this out is by you paying to hear me sing.”

One Our Price worker told us “They’re going like hotcakes. You can get the single for 99p but many people are buying the 12″ version with the extended B side. There’s nothing like some unwell ducks to tweak the nations heart strings. It’s a shame Bananarama aren’t in it this time though. Or Paul Young. It’s painfully obvious by their absence that they don’t give a shit about ducks.”

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