Viewed as an olive branch to ease tensions between himself and other world leaders, Russia’s President Vladimir Putin has today pledged to make his invasion of Ukraine greener and more ecologically sound.
Mr Putin admonished the other leaders attending the G20 in Brisbane for avoiding such a serious issue. “The rest of you are putting your heads in the sand regarding climate change. Only Russia is proposing action by invading countries in an attempt to encourage them to lower their carbon footprint”
“The West accuse Russia of being the aggressor, but have you any idea how many Ukrainians refuse to separate bottles and cans from general household waste, the figure is terrifying, with many getting new polythene bags every time they go shopping. So we have no choice but to invade. And we will do it in ecologically friendly tanks that we will use again and again. If you’re not part of the solution like we are, you’re part of the problem.”
However, the Russian Premier also denied any such invasion was really taking place. “If any Russian troops have been spotted over the border then they are probably have a second job fitting cavity wall insulation and double glazing in order to help Ukrainians lower their utility bills. Perhaps if they have come straight from work and might still be in their uniforms. Obviously having separate vehicles for when they are off duty would be bad for the environment so they would of course be driving tanks.”
Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott said “We’d like to thank Mr Putin for his efforts to save the planet. It’s obvious he sent those warships over to us as a reminder that we should all reduce our carbon emissions.”
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