Vegemite “just shit marmite”

Australia are rubbish at cricket and Vegemite is just shit Marmite according to Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott. Speaking to a heaving press conference the controversial Premier said “It’s time we faced a number of  facts regarding our national icons. Koala bears smell and they poo everywhere. And vegemite is simply awful. We’ve been banging […]

Australia to enter Eurovision with “Beds are burning”

Australian band Midnight Oil are already being tipped as likely winners of the Eurovision song contest 2015 with their song “Beds are burning” Though this will be the first time the country have entered the competition due to it being in completely the wrong continent, the show has a long tradition of being broadcast in […]

Aussie women vote Prince Philip “Sexiest man of the year”

The results are in: Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh may be known for his sexist gaffes but it seems the women of Australia are more interested in what the ageing Prince has in his trousers, voting him Sexiest Man of the Year 2015. In a double-win for the geriatric Duke, the results were published only days […]

Putin promises G20 environmentally friendly Ukraine invasion

Viewed as an olive branch to ease tensions between himself and other world leaders, Russia’s President Vladimir Putin has today pledged to make his invasion of Ukraine greener and more ecologically sound. Mr Putin admonished the other leaders attending the G20 in Brisbane for avoiding such a serious issue. “The rest of you are putting […]

Aboriginal Australians celebrate as Australia elects anti-immigration Prime Minister

Indigenous Australians throughout the country have been celebrating through the night at the news that under new management, all immigrants will now be turned away, a policy set to be backdated for the last 400 years. One Aboriginal Australian told us “It’s all been very nice but after 400 years it’s high time they all […]