The results are in: Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh may be known for his sexist gaffes but it seems the women of Australia are more interested in what the ageing Prince has in his trousers, voting him Sexiest Man of the Year 2015.
In a double-win for the geriatric Duke, the results were published only days before the announcement of his forthcoming Knighthood by King Tony Abbott, who serves the dual role of both Prime Minister and Minister for Women of the southern colonial outpost of Australia.
However, the prince’s recent honours are not without controversy. In light of his sudden rise to sex- symbol status, Australian federal opposition members have expressed some scepticism over the decision to grant Philip the knighthood, calling it “a cheap grab for the female voter”.
It seems King Tony has indeed played his cards right on this one. In a recent polling of the electorate, Noreen MacDonald from Northridge Nursing Home stated, “The girls here have been waiting for Tony to unsheath his sword in public and we’re thrilled to bits with the recent announcements. No we’re waiting for Prince Philip to unsheath his pork sword. Tell him from me he can toss his strides over my rocking chair any time”.
Esmee Jones from South Sunnyvale said that the very thought of Prince Phillip down on one knee receiving Tony Abbott’s sword had her reaching for a new pair of continence panties. “I’ve got some of my late husband’s viagra in my nightstand, and a rug with plenty of room for two. If the Prince is up for it, tell him I’m his Lady‘”
The decision to officially honour the sexy Prince has not gone unnoticed by the hip young Aussie voters; a demographic King Tony has struggled to gain favour with since being elected to office in 2013. Cassidy Clements, 23, an Arts student from Bondi Beach NSW raves: “I’m a big fan of Prince’s back catalogue. I’ve got all his stuff on vinyl as well as a T-shirt from the ’92 Diamonds and Pearls tour gig at the Brisbane Entertainment Centre. I couldn’t be happier with this decision, it’s restored my faith in the coalition”.
Taking second place to the title of Sexiest man of the year 2015 was Russian President Vladimir Putin; closely followed by Disney’s Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid.
A spokesman for Buckingham Palace warned that while Prince Philip’s wife the Queen was proud of her husbands award , she has warned Australia’s female population to “Look not touch.”
“She may be 88 but anyone gets their filthy hands on Philip, she’ll jet right over and punch them in the tits.” He explained.
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