Participants in the celebrity endorsed social media advertised Dry January have already begun to form an orderly queue in order to collect their award.
The award is rumoured to be a ‘fucking medal’ as many temporary non-drinkers claim to have been asked if they would like one of these. A spokesman for the National Association of Getting People to Do Things on Facebook because some Celebrity or Other says So has refused to comment.
One fair weather teetotaller in the queue said “I’m not going to be happy if it transpires that I don’t even get a certificate.”
The news comes as a Dry January participant in shared accommodation was arrested after holding his still drinking house mates hostage with a firearm. “I was trying to endlessly repeat the health benefits I would be enjoying after a short spell off the booze. But they just wanted to leave me to it and go to the pub. I had to make them listen.”
Another participant we spoke to was on his way to the pub having just found out that dry January wasn’t compulsory.
“No-one told me you actually had a choice in these matters. If I never see another mocktail again it will be too soon. I might still grow a moustache in November once a year but as for Constipapril where you can’t take a shit between March 31st and May the 1st, well you can keep it this year and I don’t care what celebrity endorses it.”
News Toad 
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