Westminster “No go area for non-arse-hats”

London’s inner city of Westminster has become a no-go area for the majority of British people, unless you happen to be a complete arse-hat, according to the latest report from Fox News. Seen by much of the world as an “arse-hat ghetto” Westminster is thought to be a lawless place where people in suits strut around ignoring the constituents who elected them and starting sentences with “Look” and “I think it’s important that…”.

A spokesman for the Government who denied the reports said said “This is simply not true. You don’t have to be an arse-hat at all to enter Westminster. In fact we have non arse-hats entering Westminster every day. They come to drive us around in taxis and make us lunch. Anyone coming in for any other reason would obviously need to be a bit of a cock womble, but not everyone is and once again we see Fox News making generalisations.”

Fox News who are famous in the media world for actually shooting live ammunition at each other during news reports, promised that on this occasion they actually had evidence for the claims. “We normally make it up, but after Birminghamgate we thought we better come up with something vaguely factual.”

The news could not come at a worse time for many politicians, particularly several senior Conservative party members who were under fire this week for being part of the notorious arse-hat club whilst at university. When questioned on the matter Mayor of London Boris Johnson said “Aha, Look at my funny shaggy haircut.”