Nigel Farage has promised that a UKIP Government will reverse the recent decision to make St Paul’s cathedral half mosque, following plans that deem it to be a mosque 50% of the time and an Anglican church the other 50%.
Speaking from outside St Pauls an angry Mr Farage said “It doesn’t look like a mosque. And sometimes it isn’t a mosque. So we might spend all day protesting outside it only to find it isn’t one. And it isn’t. Except it sort of is.”
One UKIP supporter added “It might look like a church now but any minute now it could, to all intents and purposes, be a mosque. And it could happen at any time. And it would still look like a church. It’s designed to make us look stupid.”
Under the new arrangement which is only in its pilot stage, the cathedral changes from Christian to Islamic worship and vice versa whenever a car horn sounds from the pulpit. It is then the job of the worshippers to replace all the pews with mats or all the mats with pews, as the case may be, in as short a time as possible. Experienced stage hands from nearby theatres have been enrolled to help out on busy days.
One parishioner told us “I always seem to come at the wrong times. And then I’m always halfway through a service when they swap over. I can’t be arsed to keep leaving and coming back again so I just convert every time. It’s six of one and half a dozen of the other. On Islamic days they have better incense but on Christian days I don’t spend half an hour trying to find my shoes.”
UKIP recently hit the headlines for protesting outside Portsmouth cathedral after an agreement where locals could also go there to worship Neptune God of the Sea.
“We’ve got Roman deities on our doorstep and we’re not having it.” A spokesman told us.