A Labour Government will put legislation into place to enable all workers to occasionally kick their boss up the arse without any risk of being fired or incurring criminal charges according to leader Ed Miliband.
Speaking on the Marr show the shadow Prime Minister said “We still need to make difficult decisions in terms of cutting the deficit. We’re just saying that maybe once or twice a year hard working families will be able to go up to either their immediate line manager or Managing Director and plant their toe cap firmly between their buttocks. And this applies to all bosses except me.”
However David Cameron has reacted with fury to the proposals claiming that such managers with sore tradesman’s entrances are likely to curb productivity and thus probably increase the deficit.
“Many of my rich and powerful friends are used to having bruised bum cheeks from moderate level violence. But that violence should be administered on their say so in specially designed parlours where they pay for the service.”
SNP leader Nicola sturgeon has argued that the moves outlined do not go far enough. “If Labour are in coalition with the SNP then we will ensure that every morning all workers can approach their boss, kick him or her up the arse, give them a Chinese burn followed by a wedgie and then forcibly wave their wrist in such a way that they keep slapping themselves whilst repeatedly asking them why they keep slapping themselves.”
UKIP leader Nigel Farage said the plans deflected from the real issue of people travelling across the sea and back again.