Greg Wallace run over by a cliché

Greg Wallace is reported to be critical but stable, having been run over by a cliché during today’s filming of Masterchef

A source from the never-ending, swanky-nosh competition told us “It’s a dangerous job. He spouts this shit day in, day out knowing that at any point one of his nuggets of generic mediocrity could bounce of a wall and straight back at him. But he’s a total professional. He realises that he’s got to give it 110% and every show there’s everything to play for.”

The accident has revealed a health and safety nightmare with many contestants deliberately cooking shit food to avoid being struck by an ill advised Wallace one-liner.

One former contestant told us “What you don’t realise about the show is that as well as having to cook amazing food in a finite period of time, contestants also have to regularly duck and leap over clumps of clichés and absolute bollocks spouted by Wallace that just bounce around the room

Fellow judge and celebrity chef John Torode said “I don’t come out with as many clichés, so I only have to jump out of the way of Greg’s. I’m more the bloke that says how people should be cooking things. Until later on when the chefs with Michelin stars start turning up and judging things. Then I disappear. I haven’t got any Michelin stars.” He explained.