Gary Barlow to receive second knighthood

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Take That songsmith Gary Barlow is said to be “jubilant, delighted and over the moon” following news that he is going to be knighted once again as part of the Queen’s birthday honours list.

The inland revenue dodging songsmith who has reportedly played at a number of cabinet members’ birthday parties will now be known as Sir Sir Gary Barlow.

Holding his title very tightly so as to avoid handing it back should there have been any sort of mistake, Mr Barlow who already has two OBEs denied that his friendship and loyalty to high ranking members of the conservative party would have had anything to do with his newly announced double title.

“They are my friends and they did promise me this over dinner and a bottle of margaux. But it could happen to anyone. So don’t forget kids, everyone loves a banker and welfare cuts are cool.” The tax evading crooner explained.

Elsewhere on the honours list George Osborne’s dominatrix has become a Dame and TV celebrity Myleene Klass received an OBE for services to ordering things from catalogues. Dappy out of N-Dubz narrowly missed out this year but is thought to be a hot favourite for next year, for his services to the yoot.

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