Supermarkets to stop selling hairy cornflakes

dave lee travis convicted

Supermarkets throughout Britain are to stop selling hairy cornflakes with immediate effect after former radio one DJ and inspiration for the popular breakfast cereal Dave Lee Travis has today been found guilty of indecent assault.

The verdict has seen boxes vanish from shelves at an unprecedented rate, perhaps only equalled by the sudden evacuation of Rolf Harris CDs earlier in the year or before that the mass removal of Jim’ll Fix it badge soap on a ropes.

One customer told us “I’ve eaten hairy cornflakes every morning since the 1970s and when I came in this afternoon and found none on the shelves I just thought someone must have been very hungry. But then I found out about that Travis and realised they’d all been destroyed in a controlled explosion. And a good thing too. I for one will not be letting my children eat any more hairy cornflakes, or normal cornflakes, or anything hairy for that matter. All three will become  taboo.”

Indeed a spokesman for Tesco told us “We must now wipe the hairy cornflake from our memory. Along with all the other things we would otherwise remember him for. Such as calling himself a hairy cornflake.”

Cereal manufacturer Kellogs will be replacing the popular cereal with their new product “Malty Gropers” which will be on the shelves from next Tuesday.

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