Shock as David Cameron’s Big Society might be bollocks

The political world has been turned on its head this morning following revelations that David Cameron’s “Big Society” might actually have been a load of old bollocks the whole time from its inception to the present day.

Bertram Onions from the Royal Society for Things that are Total Bollocks (RSFTTATB) told us “It certainly fulfils all our criteria. Its overall ethos of looking after the disadvantaged in our society by not looking after them at all, and then backing it up with a huge amount of PR means we’ve given it our certificate of authenticity. The subsequent practice of using it as a guise to give huge grants to their friends has caused us to give it a special commendation.”

An unrepentant David Cameron said “We’ve long believed that rather than funding a welfare state or any form of social services, people should be part of the Big Society. Now we don’t actually know what that means either so we’ve heralded the scheme by giving some money to people who went to Eton.”

Labour leader Ed Miliband has argued that people are crying out for change. “People are crying out for change. I was only recently in a real town talking to some real people. They do swear a bit don’t they? But I think deep down what they were really saying  was that they can see through this big society business and  they know only Labour has the answer. Yes, a labour Government will introduce the long and curly society. We can make cuts with compassion if society is longer and curlier.” he explained.