Radical muslim cleric Abu Qatada is in the process of boarding a plane after a not guilty verdict in Jordan means that he is free to carry on his life back in Britain. Thought to be flying first class at the Home Office’s expense sources close to Mr Qatada say that he is looking forward to passing the flight by watching a film, nibbling on some canapes and sipping a glass or two of complimentary champagne.
Home secretary Theresa May explained that she was keen to build bridges over any deportation mix-up.
“Obviously he’s been found not guilty in Jordan so we’re obliged by the European Court of Human Rights to bring him back and throw a little party for him by way of apology. We will of course be backdating all the benefits he would have accrued in his absence. Plus a little bit more as a good will gesture”
Mrs May has come under some criticism that having lost his council house Mr Qatada will initially be staying in the £700 a night Stafford hotel in London though she has assured her critics that his room service tab will be carefully reviewed. ”
“I’m very concerned that Mr Qatada should instead be moved back into a council house and I will personally see it that he’s bumped to the top of the list to receive the next nice one available.”
The hate cleric could also expect a free motorbike paid for by social services.
A source told us that Mr Qatada will be making a concerted effort to keep hate preaching down to a minimum and will try to cause less waves now he is back for good.
“He’s going to trim his beard and start a new life as a hipster” we were told.
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