Rolf Harris confirmed as Strictly contestant

Rolf Harris has confirmed that he will be entering Strictly Come Dancing as a contestant for the forthcoming 2017 competition. 

Dave Lee Travis working as Santa in John Lewis

Former Radio One DJ Dave Lee Travis has put the blame firmly on the media today , following news that he is now forced to accept seasonal work as Santa Claus in the High Wycombe branch of John Lewis.

Supermarkets to stop selling hairy cornflakes

Supermarkets throughout Britain are to stop selling hairy cornflakes with immediate effect after former radio one DJ and inspiration for the popular breakfast cereal Dave Lee Travis has today been found guilty of indecent assault. The verdict has seen boxes vanish from shelves at an unprecedented rate, perhaps only equalled by the sudden evacuation of […]

Rolf Harris to paint his defence

Rolf Harris has today begun his defence against charges of indecent assault by way of puffing, panting and playing the wobble board whilst simultaneously painting a 24 foot high mural, an action that he says will prove him innocent of all charges. One juror told us of his surprise that instead of cross examining the […]

Max Clifford boxes tiger to save baby

  Max Clifford is being viewed by the the public in a very different light today having completed six three minute rounds of boxing with an adult Bengali Tiger, in order to save a baby. Mother of the baby, Tracey Garlic of Aston Clinton, Buckinghamshire had nothing but praise for Mr Clifford when she spoke […]

Public demand new crimes from 1970s celebrities

The British public are tired of hearing about 1970s television personalities being questioned for historic misdemeanours and have called for them to branch out into different crimes according to new figures released today. The news comes as crowds packed the courtroom gallery today to watch TV’s Ken Barlow being accused of some things. One spectator […]

1970s accused of rape

Police Commissioners throughout the country have cancelled  all leave for police officers for the foreseeable future as a warrant has been issued for the arrest of the entire 1970s. The move comes after Stuart Hall, Ken Barlow and now professional fibber Max Clifford have revealed that any sexual crimes they may or may not have […]

“It can’t be Rolf Harris. It must have been Dave Lee Travis” say public

The British public have today responded to Rolf Harris’s charges with a united voice. “It can’t have been Rolf. It must have been Dave Lee Travis”. Harris who brought such hits to us as ‘two little boys’, ‘jake the peg with his extra leg’, and more recently ‘Let me do you up the wrong’un sheila’ […]

BBC under fire for showing Saville look-a-like ‘He-Man’ episodes

The BBC has once again been the target of numerous complaints following a spate of childrens’ television programmes starring characters who look similar to disgraced disc jockey Jimmy Saville. Director general Tony Hall has admitted that things could have been handled better. “We always have a skim through the days listings just to make sure […]