Queen to offer Trump British delicacy of Dog Eggs on state visit

trump-the-queen-dog-eggs

President Trump will be invited to Buckingham Palace to savour the exquisite British dish of dog eggs when he arrives on his state visit according to sources close to the Queen.

“Yes we are controlled by secret lizard people” admits May

theresa-may-lizard

David Icke is right and MPs are under the direct control of lizard people, Prime Minister Theresa May has admitted today.

Grovelling British subjects thank the Queen for letting them pay for her party and no bank holiday

the queen's birfdee

Grovelling British subjects throughout Britain have come together to thank her Royal Highness for having a party at their expense without actually being invited themselves and no sodding bank holiday.

Cameron “Nigeria has the wrong sort of corruption”

cameron nigeria corruption

Nigeria needs to get it’s act together and start laundering money through entrenched state endorsed fiscal hypocrisy like Britain, if it wants to be taken seriously on the world stage, according to Prime Minister David Cameron.

Queen to support ‘out’ campaign

the queen out campaign

The ‘Brexit’ campaign has gained momentum this morning following the news that it has a staunch supporter and campaigner in Her Majesty the Queen. In a rare statement to the press, her Majesty said “People are coming over here just for the benefits. They think we’re a soft touch and they’re probably right. For example […]

Cameron “Britain must sell its own Grandmothers”

cameron magna carta

Britain must sell its own Grandmothers to whichever corporation either offers the best price or has Tory party donors on its board of directors according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking at an event celebrating 800 years of the Magna Carta the Prime Minister explained that whilst such a policy was not proposed in 1215, […]

The Queen “If Labour get in I’ll leave the country”

the queen

Her Majesty the Queen has said in no uncertain terms today that she will move abroad if Labour get into power following the forthcoming General Election in May. In a move that will only amplify the despair of the nation and Ed Miliband’s woes she has added her name to a list of potential ex-pats […]

Aussie women vote Prince Philip “Sexiest man of the year”

prince philip

The results are in: Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh may be known for his sexist gaffes but it seems the women of Australia are more interested in what the ageing Prince has in his trousers, voting him Sexiest Man of the Year 2015. In a double-win for the geriatric Duke, the results were published only days […]

Salmond “We’ll keep the pound even if it means joining the United Kingdom”

alex salmond's pound

Scotland’s First Minister Alex Salmond has said that Scotland will keep the pound even if it means joining the United Kingdom to do it. Speaking at a packed press conference Mr Salmond explained “It is Scotland’s pound. It doesn’t belong to George Osborne, it doesn’t belong to Ed Balls. It’s ours and we are keeping […]

“You can all come and stay at my house” Queen tells evictees

queen in pub

People living in properties owned by the Crown who have been campaigning against being evicted from their homes have been  told today that they will all be able to shack up at Buckingham Palace at least until they sort themselves out with somewhere else to live. The Crown Estate has confirmed it is proposing the sale […]