Grovelling British subjects thank the Queen for letting them pay for her party and no bank holiday

Grovelling British subjects throughout Britain have come together to thank her Royal Highness for having a party at their expense without actually being invited themselves and no sodding bank holiday.

Queen to down 90 pints

The Queen is to down 90 pints live on TV to celebrate her birthday on Thursday according to a statement issued by the palace. A spokesman for the Queen said “Her Majesty her the royal highness the queen will be honouring the nation by consuming one pint of lager for every year of her life. […]

Don’t make a fuss about my birthday says God

In a rare statement God has gone on record to say he’s not that arsed about his birthday this year and really doesn’t want people to make a fuss. Speaking via the medium of vicars the supreme being explained “I don’t want anyone taking time off work on my account, I’d rather people just treated […]

Entire population of Sri Lanka play musical chairs for Prince Charles’ birthday

The entire population of Sri Lanka have been spending the day running around an ever decreasing circle of chairs to music, having been forced to play musical chairs to celebrate Prince Charles’ birthday. In a lesser known condition of membership of the British Commonwealth, any hosting country is required to celebrate the birthday of any […]

J.Lo to entertain oppressive regimes less frequently

Singer Jennifer Lopez has assured human rights activists and concerned members of the public that she plans to entertain oppressive regimes far less frequently, and intends to keep private concerts for military dictatorships down to a minimum. The recent Birthday concert for President Gurbanguly Berdymukhammedov of Turkmenistan who is presently ranked 6 in the Sunday […]

Queen urged to stop milking it

The Queen has been urged to stop milking it with the incessant rounds of birthdays, official birthdays, jubilees and anniversaries of coronations according to an insider from the British public. “It’s just got stupid. I’m sure these things used to be once every ten years or so. But it’s got like X factor or Britain’s […]

Britain braces itself for Queen’s birthday pub crawl

The Queen is due to celebrate her birthday privately amongst family and friends according to Buckingham Palace. However, the night before is open to anyone and will involve an eight hour binge around the many chain pubs prevalent in the central London area. A spokesman from the Palace told us “Her Majesty wishes that her […]

World wide protests at Justin Bieber’s shit birthday

The worlds population as a whole have been urged to ‘remain calm’ as shockwaves resulting from teen crooner Justin Bieber’s ‘worst birthday ever’ have caused worldwide protests. Up to a quarter of the worlds population put aside the fact that many are living in absolute poverty and suffering the end of a global recession, to […]