Queen to down 90 pints

Queen 90 pints

The Queen is to down 90 pints live on TV to celebrate her birthday on Thursday according to a statement issued by the palace. A spokesman for the Queen said “Her Majesty her the royal highness the queen will be honouring the nation by consuming one pint of lager for every year of her life. […]

Doctors warn of outbreak of S club 7

s club fucking 7

The British Medical Association have warned of an imminent outbreak of S club 7 set to threaten the entire United Kingdom and any foreigners who accidentally tune into British TV. Symptoms include nausea, anxiety and severe mood swings, often causing violent attacks on laptops, radios and any other infected electrical items. In rare cases sufferers […]

Jeremy Hunt “Just send your Doctor a selfie”

jeremy fucking hunt

Secretary of State for Health Jeremy Hunt has told patients that rather than attend surgeries or hospitals they should merely obtain their GPs mobile phone number and send them a selfie. Speaking on the Marr show this morning Mr Hunt explained: “I’m not a Doctor but I saw one recently and I used to regularly […]

“Don’t ever get ill” Doctors tell Jeremy Hunt

jeremy bastard hunt

The medical profession has united as one this morning to issue a stark warning to Secretary of State for Health  Jeremy Hunt “Don’t ever get ill.” One GP told us “I’ve made it quite clear that whenever I see that Jeremy Hunt, no matter what his affliction, I’m going to repeatedly prescribe him estrogen until […]

Prince Charles tells skeptics “Be more scientific except homeopathy”

prince charles climate change

  Heir Apparent to the British throne Prince Charles has issued climate change deniers with one of his firmest rebuke yet “Stop running around like headless chickens and start taking note of the overwhelming scientific data. Unless it’s homeopathy.” Speaking at the Young Sustainability Entrepreneur awards, the apprentice King explained  “All of a sudden, and with […]

Woman proves all alternative therapies by saying “have you ever seen a thought?”

reiki healing2

Doctors, scientists and healthcare professionals have been left shame faced today after a proponent of reiki healing,  Jay Diamond, asked them if they had ever seen a thought. Speaking on her morning show on Unity Radio she told her several listeners “People might think that reiki healing is simply made up nonsense used to earn a […]

Prince Charles urges unproven cures for serious diseases

prince charles herbal

His Royal Highness Prince Charles has today urged the public to ignore scientifically proven cures for illnesses and instead rely on sugar pills soaked with water, that may have been in the same jug as some water that may have touched an ingredient which is not proven in anyway to cure the affliction in question. […]

Britain braces itself for outbreak of the Flooby-Doobies

paul mccartney

Hospitals around the UK have been closing wards to visitors in the hope of preventing the spread of an incredibly unpleasant virus known as the Flooby-Doobies.  Jeremy Hunt the Health Secretary has said that the 972% daily rise in cases of the affliction, which causes highly irrational shopping habits, was unexplained. He has also warned […]

Homeopaths mass antibiotic consumption in protest against conventional medicine

homeopathy

Homeopaths the length and breadth of Britain are to protest against conventional medicine today by mass consumption of prescription drugs. A spokesman from the Society of homeopaths told us ” Just because a drug is scientifically proven to work in double blind trials, it doesn’t mean it actually does. And we plan to show Doctors […]