Woman proves all alternative therapies by saying “have you ever seen a thought?”

Doctors, scientists and healthcare professionals have been left shame faced today after a proponent of reiki healing,  Jay Diamond, asked them if they had ever seen a thought. Speaking on her morning show on Unity Radio she told her several listeners “People might think that reiki healing is simply made up nonsense used to earn a fast buck just because you can’t actually prove that it works. But that’s because it’s deep and mystical. And nobody has ever seen a thought, so that proves it.”

The statement has been welcomed by various practitioners of other unproven remedies such as homeopathy, hopi ear candles and crystal therapy, who feel that they have finally been vindicated. One ear candle specialist who also cuts hair told us “We’ve had a terrible time from doctors and scientists who tell us that there is no proof that sticking a tube in your ear and setting fire to it removes ear wax. But have these people ever seen a thought? No. And nobody knows how high the sky is. So they’re wrong.”

One homeopath told us “Homeopathy may be made up and unproven but it was made up nearly 300 years ago, so that makes it better than something that has been proven, but only recently. And anyone that thinks you can’t mix one part fox bollock with one million parts water, shake it, hit it with a leather thwacky thing and cure herpes must ask themselves, have I ever seen a thought?”

Indeed one of the harshest critics of alternative therapies Dr Ben Goldacre has had to admit that maybe he has been barking up the wrong tree. “It’s so annoying. I’ve spent years studying and practicing medicine as well as telling people that reiki healing is unproven nonsense.  But she’s right. I’ve never seen a thought, so from now on I’m going to practice crystal therapy. In fact I’m shoving a handful of opals up my arse at the moment as a preventative measure against German measles.”

The British Medical Association has urged anyone with any afflictions major or minor to contact a reiki master, angel card reader or a vortex healer before jumping in and consulting someone with medical training. “Our members might have qualifications and stethoscopes. But they’ve never seen a thought” it warned.