“No cure for Hunt” warn Doctors

doctors cure for hunt

Modern medicine as we know it has been infected by a severe case of Jeremy Fucking Hunt which is proving resistant to all known treatments Doctors have warned today.

Jeremy Hunt enjoying well deserved week-end off

jeremy bastard hunt

Health Secretary Jeremy fucking Hunt is enjoying a well deserved week-end off after a tough week imposing non-evidence based legislation on an already over stretched medical profession. The Monday to Friday stint included part of  a long battle to win the hearts and minds of the medical profession by completely ignoring them, a tactic which […]

Acupuncturists cover NHS strike

accupuncturists

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has extended his most heartfelt gratitude to acupuncturists who stepped up to the mark to stick pins in patients affected by today’s Junior Doctors’ strike. Speaking from outside St Mary’s hospital Paddington Mr Hunt said “We’ve been short of Doctors today, but luckily if you stick pins in people it’s better […]

Jeremy Hunt “Parents to perform appendectomies”

Jeremy Hunt appendectomies

Parents should routinely perform appendectomies on their children, elderly relatives and indeed themselves rather than stretching valuable NHS resources according to the Secretary of State for Health Jeremy fucking Hunt. Speaking to the cast of Holby City Mr Hunt said “Doctors are all a bit 1990s and people simply don’t need someone fannying about with a […]

Hunt I’m backed by the silent 2%

jeremy fucking hunt

Jeremy Hunt has told today of his encouragement at the silent support of 2% of Junior Doctors who have said they won’t go on strike in protest against his reforms. Speaking to John Humphrys on the Today Programme Mr Hunt explained that Doctors were stupid and didn’t understand numbers. “However, for every 98 Doctors that […]

Red trousers given health warning

bloke in red trousers

Blokes who wear red trousers are exposing themselves and others to a wide variety of health issues according to a report released today by the Department of Health. The report is thought to be the first to make a firm connection between wearing red trousers and symptoms such as sticking out a mile on country […]

Charles urges didgeridoo therapy on the NHS

prince charles didgeridoo

Prince Charles wrote repeatedly to the then Secretary of state for Health Patricia Hewitt demanding that conventional healthcare on the NHS be replaced immediately with didgeridoo therapy according to a series of private letters that have now been released into the public domain. An excerpt from one such correspondence in 2005 read “Dear Patricia, It’s […]

Prince Charles “Everyone should stick a crystal up their arse”

prince charles crystal arse

Prince Charles has confirmed that on becoming King he will pass a law that everyone must embrace alternative therapies, beginning with inserting a crystal up their arse. Hitting back at “scientists”, who have criticised his unnerving support for alternative therapies, the Prince, also known as the Duke of Woo, said that the conventional medical world […]

Osborne pledges £2 billion to chums he sold the NHS to

NHS cash

Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has pledged £2 billion of public money to some of his former schoolmates via the formality of the NHS which he has helped sell to his rich chums. The news released in the middle of the night on Saturday has been heralded by the owners of private healthcare suppliers […]

Reiki Healers and Homeopaths to cover NHS strike

jeremy hunt

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has vowed that medical services throughout the UK will continue unfettered, despite the forthcoming NHS strike, thanks to an army of Reiki Healers, homeopaths and crystal therapists who are to be brought in to cover. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show Mr Hunt assured the public that whilst the replacement service […]