Blokes who wear red trousers are exposing themselves and others to a wide variety of health issues according to a report released today by the Department of Health. The report is thought to be the first to make a firm connection between wearing red trousers and symptoms such as sticking out a mile on country walks and losing all self respect.
Health Secretary Jeremy fucking Hunt explained that whilst all related illnesses would of course be treatable by the NHS, the onus would ultimately be on the patient to live as healthy a life as possible, including wearing normal coloured trousers.
“We’ll be forcing GP surgeries to open 7 days a week but if that means people are just going to come flouncing in wearing red trousers without a care in the world apart from the afflictions that they have come to seek advice on,then we’re just going to have to say ‘No, this is the line and you must not cross it’. They can go to A and E instead.” He told us.
However other members of the scientific community have urged more research on the matter. “There’s no doubt that men who wear red trousers are quite unwell. But we’re not sure whether it’s the condition that causes them to wear red trousers or the wearing of red trousers that causes the condition. We’re have to make sure we’re treating the cause rather than just the symptoms.
The news comes as a a man in Australia had to be cut out of his red trousers after he refused to take them off himself and none of the nursing staff would touch them.
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lol 🙂