Americans are to get rid of all their guns in order to melt them down and use them to construct one big communally owned gun.
A spokesman for the White House told us “It’s just not enough for us to all have guns. We all have to lay our hands on the biggest gun in the world and worship it in a heart wrenching display of gunny gunness.”
Americans are allowed and indeed required to use guns because of the second amendment “freedom to bear arms” which was famously legislated after famous American Groucho Marx announced to the world that he’d just shot a tiger in his pyjamas.
A spokesman for the NRA said “This way everyone owns a gun albeit communally and if we all point it at ourselves then gun crime will be nil. Of course if you have a gun you’re going to need to shoot it and if the second amendement says someone needs to be shot then so be it. Who we shoot at can be decided democratically by shouting at each other, citing the will of God and committing character assassinations on people with opposing views.
Frankly anyone who thinks we shouldn’t have a communal fire arm the size of Louisiana is some sort of communist. And if this giant gun thing works then we’ll make sure everyone has one. I think it’s what God wants.”
In other news in another country a bloke didn’t kill anyone with a gun because he couldn’t get one and the other bloke didn’t have one either and nothing happened.