Trump begins arresting and waterboarding musicians

US citizens have been urged today to come forward regarding the whereabouts of Bruce Springsteen, Elton John and U2 who are all reportedly on the run following news that President Of the USA, Donald Trump, has ordered the arrest and subsequent waterboarding of all musicians apart from the ones that played his inauguration.

Trump “Nigel Farage must be Queen of England”

Nigel Farage should be made Queen of England in order to preserve Britain’s special relationship with the USA, according to president elect Donald Trump.

Trump to just build half a wall

Donald Trump will most likely build just half a wall on the US Mexico border instead of a whole one according to sources close to the President elect.

Putin outlines Trump’s induction week

Russian Premier Vladimir Putin has sent Donald Trump his firm offer of the job in the White House and outlined the itinerary for his induction week.

“Next time we’ll elect someone even worse” promise US voters

US voters have promised that they will vote in someone even worse at the 2020 presidential elections if Donald Trump’s reforms fail to make America great again. “He oughta be alright. He’s racist, misogynistic and he mocks people with disabilities. And he thinks everyone should be armed to the teeth. So that should bring world […]

Republican debate ends in shoot out

The Republican party are today appealing for new presidential hopefuls following an incident earlier where all existing candidates shot each other. Front-runner Donald Trump repeatedly tangled with Texas Senator Ted Cruz and former Florida Governor Jeb Bush in a series of tense exchanges before all three began firing at each other, sporadically ducking behind their […]

Trump “If I’m elected I’ll leave the country”

Prospective Republican candidate for the presidency Donald Trump has said that he would leave the country in the event that he became President of the USA. Also known as Donald Trumpety-Trump the famous tycoon who inherited his wealth told a press conference that his refusal to endorse gun controls, and his habit of blaming the […]

Trump “Give racism and firearms a chance”

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has pleaded for the world to join hands and assist him in the creation of a peaceful loving world, brought about through overt racism and endemic firearm use. Known in the USA as Donald Trumpety-Trump, the toupeed statesman who inherited his fortune, said “If everyone can just look into their […]

Native Americans celebrate as Trump vows to kick out immigrants

Native Americans are celebrating today following Republican leadership hopeful Donald Trump’s assurances that should he become President then all immigrants and descendants of immigrants including himself will be sent back to their own countries. Mr Trump, full name Donald Trumpety-Trump said “Who do you trust to kick out all immigrants including myself. Trump! And you […]

Sarah Palin warns immigrants to speak the language of earlier immigrants

All immigrants in America must speak American, but not native American, according to former Governor of Alaska, and anti-recent immigration politician, Sarah Palin. Speaking to a large gathering of people waving flags and chanting ‘USA!’, Mrs Palin said “If you want to be in America, let’s speak American. None of that indigenous American from before […]